Try to make me go to rehab.....

...I said "Yes, Yes, Yes!"

When my mom first asked if i wanted to go to Meridian House for a christmas party to see my brother, I jumped at the chance. I hadnt seen him since before we left, and was really upset that he got locked up while Ron and I were on our honeymoon. It seemed like history was repeating itself since he was arrested in October 2008 while we were in Disney getting engaged. I figured he would be locked up again for a few weeks and then released and sent back to the normal program he was on. I didnt agree with him being locked up even the first time. I've said it once and i'll keep on saying it until it sinks in with our society. He's an addict, not a criminal. Criminals go to jail, addicts go to rehab.

I didn't really know what to expect going in to it. I was scared for my brother. All alone in a new place, with new people. He's even pickier then me when it comes to food. I wondered if he had enough to eat, if he was warm enough. Would he open up enough to let people in who are just trying to help him? I had a strange vision of what I thought a rehab facility should look like. Stark white, extremely sterile, and full of uptight counselors and whacko crackheads. I had thought that we would be ushered into a room where we'd only be able to spend a certain amount of time with George and then have to leave.

Boy was I wrong.

Upon arriving at the house, I was surprised by what I saw. A normal 3-story house, indistinguishable from all the others lining the street. We walked in and were greeted warmly by one of the staff who asked us who we were there to see and sign in. I was amazed that the place felt so warm and inviting! There's a nice hardwood staircase that leads to the next floors, and a sitting area with a TV right when you enter. I immediatley picked up the vibe that this would be a good experience. Happy family members hugging their loved ones they probably haven't seen in a while. My brother came down to greet us as if he knew we were there. Noone told him we had arrived. He was just there. Immediatley I knew he was different. Of course this being only his first week in rehab, i know it will be a long road to recovery, but he was clean. I've seen my brother clean before but not like this. He hadn't had a drink or done any drug in weeks. His eyes were bright and he had gained weight. He wasn't sickly looking and pale anymore. He was MY brother. For the first time in a long time, I felt like we connected.

He showed us around the building. They didnt allow us to go in his room but from the little peek we got, it looked cozy. He has a roommate, who was very nice. After heading down the meandering corridor we arrived at the dining room and kitchen area full of people bustling around and eating and enjoying each others company. We hung out and talked for over 2 hours, with him telling us about his jail experience, all about the house and all the things he's done since beginning his journey there. He'd even tried different foods! He branched out to barbecued chicken, but wouldn't try taco's (which I found funny since I was reluctant to try tacos until recently as well). He was also getting his fill of soda while at the party, because they arent allowed it in any other circumstance. We met his counselor who he'll be meeting with every friday. A very nice, approachable man, easy to talk to. John(his counselor) told us about the different levels of privileges George will have in time. Eventually they are going to help him find a job and get back on Medicare. He told us about the different groups and everything. The amount of structure applied to the house is equal to the amount of freedom they experience as well.

There were two things that stood out about the house though. The first being something my brother mentioned which is that a good majority of the people in the house weren't there because of a court order like he was. They were just there because they put themselves there. They wanted to clean themselves up. So they came to the Meridian House. I thought about how inspiring that was. Especially for someone like my brother, who didn't sign up on his own. It proves that you CAN change and improve yourself, as long as you have the drive and determination and are surrounded by people who love and support your goals! You dont just need a judge to tell you to get clean. The choice is yours and yours alone.

The second was the different walks of life that came into the building. Like I said before, i was expecting a building full of whacko's. I was pleasantly surprised by the people there. Everyone was in good spirits. We were greeted by a "Hello. How are you? Nice to meet you!" a majority of the time. There wasn't a single person I encountered that made me feel unwelcome or unsafe. My favorite person though was an older father who came to visit his son. He was very distinguished looking sporting a 3 piece suit, grey overcoat and red scarf. His wife was just as pristine as he was, and here they were. Visiting their son....in a rehab facility. Proving to me, that it has nothing to do with status or upbringing. Everyone is predisposed to developing an addiction. Some people can get a handle on it before it becomes a problem. Other's cannot and that is sad.

We left the house around 930. We couldve stayed until 10 but I had a long drive ahead of me and had to wake up early the next day. I felt bad leaving him. I wanted to bring him home with us. But then he wouldnt be able to get the help he needs. I am 100% confident that he will succeed with his recovery. He is a good person, he just needs a little guidance. I love my brother and i'm looking forward to going back to visit him again!

Boobs or Blood?

Anyone who knows me knows im about two things....Burlesque and Horror films.

One of my facebook friends (Hi Randy!!) posted an interesting question as his status today, and this is what he said :

Burlesque V Violence: It seems people would rather their children (for the sake of arguement 18yo) see "Saw", "A Clockwork Orange", "Reseviour Dogs", "Pulp Fiction", etc. and play games like, "Grand Theft Auto", and "Doom" than see a burlesque show. So Why is violence/profanity MORE OK than nudity/sexuality? Or maybe this is a better question: Which should be more a part of healthy adult relationships?"

This is SUCH a great discussion topic!! Reading the responses Randy has gotten so far has been thought-provoking and interesting! The only thing I like more than a good horror film, is a beautifully performed Burlesque show. I decided this would be a great topic for a blog because i could go on for DAYS about each one.

To be completely honest, I think both are neccessary.

I wasn't raised surrounded by violence and sex, yet I'm such a big fan of it now. I was kind of sheltered growing up to be completely honest. I went to church every sunday and prayed every night before meals and bed and look how I turned out. As a child, I was raised with what most people would consider admirable morals and values, yet i STILL steered myself away and surround myself with debauchery and sex as often as possible as an adult. Some people choose to stay on the "golden path" and lead lives wearing blinders. I dont think those people get a true understanding of how life or the world works, if you dont LET some bad influences in! What's considered "sinful" or "evil" surrounds us, and instead of being afraid of it and denouncing it as crude and disgusting, why not try understanding it.

Sex, for example, is a beautiful thing that's a part of everyday life!! Same with nudity! To be completely honest, one of my favorite things in the world is walking around naked. That might be TMI for some people who read this blog, but its true! Its so liberating and freeing! The human body is the most natural thing you could ever teach your children about. Penises, vaginas, testicles and boobs are NOT your enemy. They are parts of the human body that cannot be ignored if we want life to continue. Yet when a woman pulls out her breast to feed her child in public, people FREAK OUT because showing your breasts is considered indecent and "there could be children around!" Earth to Humanity, what do you think breasts are for??? Instead of shying away and shielding your children's eyes, why not try to explain what it is and whats happening! On the other side of things is the reason WHY people think showing your breasts is indecent: the adult entertainment industry. Burlesque, Porn, Strip Clubs, etc, the list goes on. I don't understand why we condemn some of these things in the first place. Don't get me wrong, a burlesque dancer and a stripper are two different things. But these woman (and some men) shouldnt be viewed as vile or disgusting. They're comfortable with their sexuality and embrace their bodies and consider them beautiful! They are strong, confident people who just have a different way of earning their living then you or I. Some people are built to perform, they aren't mean't to work regular 9-5 desk jobs. I think i'm one of those people. One of my favorite examples of a strong, confident, adult entertainer is Jenna Jameson. After reading her book, I had more respect and admiration for her then most female politicians you read about in the news today. She's like the porn industry's equivalent of Donald Trump, only with better hair and hotter! How many people wish they could be a millionaire just from having sex on camera? Jenna is so intelligent. She is an entrepenuer and a great example for woman! It's amazing how taboo sex is in the world YET porn is a MULTI-BILLION DOLLAR industry. I'm guessing everyone in America is a closet sex freak, eh?

Next up on the list: Bloody, disgusting VIOLENCE!! What is war? In a nutshell? BLOODY DISGUSTING VIOLENCE!! Like sex, it cant be ignored, because its everywhere. Even if there weren't violent, disgusting movies out there, the news would STILL broadcast images of war. As long as war exists, I see nothing wrong with violent movies, because its inescapable. And games too!! Look at games like "Call of Duty" and "Ghost Recon" and "Medal Of Honor". They're all war based games! I don't think violent movies and video games inspire teenagers to shoot each other. It's up to the parents who allow their children to WATCH those movies and PLAY those games to TEACH them right from wrong, and fiction from reality. My house is filled with scary little toys and horror memorabilia and people wonder what i'm going to do when i have kids. Will i hide them? Or get rid of them? The answer is no. I plan on teaching my children what they are if they ask. I feel if they grow up around them, it wont affect them as much as they get older. Of course, I wouldn't show them the films until I thought they were mature and old enough to understand that what they're seeing isn't real. I'm so tired of people blaming the media for their kids being out of control. You're just a SHITTY parent, so stop pushing the responsibility of teaching your kids right from wrong on the goddamn media! Its up to you to decide what you want to expose your kids too. You just have to expose them to it the correct way. Like I said earlier, i wasn't exposed to ANYTHING like this when I was a kid, yet I love it so much now. I love being on the edge of my seat watching a horror movie wondering what the villains next move will be. I enjoy cheering on the villain. I actuallly got very sad at the end of "the Devils Rejects' because the villains DIED! Without villains, movies would be boring. Without villains, LIFE would be boring.

To SUM UP my blog (i swear i'm almost done, this thing is long enough): I think both sexuality and violence are necessary to maintain a healthy relationship, as long as you are mature and comfortable enough to handle them both. If you're not comfortable with either of those things, i do feel sad for you, but it's not for everyone.

I'll put away my soapbox now.....

Resolutions and Boredom

2010 is upon us! Wether you like it or not, another 365 days are almost done for and what a quick 365 days it was. Maybe its just me because there was so much wedding planning going on.

I think I'm coming down from a "post-wedding/honeymoom" high. After being busy and living in "wedding mode" for a year, PLUS the amazing honeymoon on top of that, I've realized just how dull my normal life is. Get up, go to work, come home, make dinner, clean house, sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat. That's it. I wish I could have a different regime everyday. I'm so not ready to settle down for a quiet home life. There's still so much I need to do!! And so here I am stuck in this rut. So I've come up with a few resolutions for 2010 that I think will help me break free and feel a little better about my situation.

Resolution #1: Ritual Practice More Regularly - Since I've decided who my primary deity will be (which took a lot of thought and reflection), practicing more will bring me piece of mind and spirit. I've slowly but surely been getting things ready for my altar. I have all the pieces...i just need the altar part, lol. I'm hoping with Sekhmet's help, I will grow and become a more confident person. Sekhmet's name means "the one who is powerful", the warrior goddess of Egypt. She is also called "The One Before Whom Evil Trembles", "The Mistress of Dread" and "The Lady of Slaughter". Sure she sounds dangerous, but what I lack, she can help provide in abundance! I need to be able to put my foot down and stand my ground more. I need to be my own warrior goddess. And besides, striking fear into the hearts of those who oppose me sounds like a WIN! I WISH i could do that. I NEED to be able to do that. Because i've been so damn quiet for too long and im done with it. So look out world! Jo and Sekhmet are on the fuckin' warpath!

Resolution #2: Read more!-Plain and simple. I have so many god damn books. Interesting books too! I buy them....with intent to read them...and then they sit there. Often times I'll at least skim through them, picking up some of the important bullet points of the story/information contained within. I just got a book today from a friend of mine that I actually have to read in a timely manner so i can give it back to him! I unfortunately know I have to finish the Twilight series. I can put that off until at LEAST May though since "Eclipse" is coming out innnnn....June? July? I frankly have no idea. But the point is I will try and read more. And please, if you say something like "Hey Jo, i think you should read this book" and I say "No". Dont get all pissy and take it personally. I just have wayyyy too much crap to read momentarily and i dont want to make that list even LONGER.

Resolution #3: FINISH MY GODDAMN GRAPHIC NOVEL!!!-So sad I had to put off finishing it to do wedding stuff. I was on a roll!!! Sadie wouldn't quit giving me ideas, but I had to stop. Once I finish the writing process, it'll be out of my hands and into Ron's so he can draw it and then I can stop worrying about it LOL. Once its done, I can get to work on my "as-yet-untitled" Elizabeth Bathory project. It will most likely be a screenplay that I HOPE to somehow get into the hands of Eli Roth ,the only man sick enough to make a proper Bathory film. I call him the "King of the Bloody Bathtub" (i.e. Hostel 2's scene with Heather Matarazzo, Cabin Fever's leg shaving scene..both filmed in a bathtub of sorts). If not Eli Roth, then Rob Zombie, and the list goes on from there. Resolution #3 actually plays off Resolution #2 alot because the more graphic novels i read, the better mine will turn out in the end.

Resolution #4: Dita von Teese, beware!!!!-Mold my Pin-up/Burlesque persona and build a presence online!! The only reason this isnt Resolution #1 is because I think my ritual practice will play a BIG part in this. Once my confidence levels are built up, posing for a shoot should be a snap! Someone once said that all you need to be a Pin-up Model are pictures and Myspace page. Both of which...I have! I want to believe I'm destined for bigger things then sitting behind a desk twiddling my thumbs. I love dressing up and I love being in front of the camera! After the pin-up workshop, I felt so good about myself!! I've never felt more alive and comfortable with myself then I did after I left that hotel room. Im so excited to be doing another shoot in January. I have some great ideas for it!! I also have ideas for future shoots and things I can do at home,Now that we have the SLR camera, we should be able to get some great shots of our own. I'm also going to be checking out what the Boston Babydolls have to offer for burlesque classes this year. They have a "Burlesque Your Way" starting in January, but its too close to X-mas and the pin-up shoot to do it, so i'll wait until a little later on in the year to tackle it. Until then, i have some other work to do, which brings me too.....

The Final Resolution, Resolution #5: Stay In Shape! Back in August/September, I got sick with a stomach issue and lost a TON of weight...when I had a wedding gown to fit into....and didnt NEED to lose anymore weight! What I wouldn't give to have that stomach problem back now!! Instead though, i have to get back to excersizing. This is particularly hard considering my heart palpitations are still giving me trouble. I didnt have any trouble with Wii fit thankfully, but I did have a little bit of trouble getting back into the swing of things when playing DDR. I know I probably just have to power through it and get over the initial shock of getting my cardio up, but its a scary thing to do when you dont know how your heart is going to react. Of course if i had a REASON for the palps in the first place, i'd be alot happier. But a dozen EKGs, an echocardiogram, and a holter monitor later and STILL no reason for them. I'm still convinced its my thyroid. But anyway, back to the resolution. I'll just start slow for now and work up to more advanced workout regimens. One day at a time. And I guess i'll start....eating.....healthier..... ALTHOUGH I did read an article that encourage eating pasta, cheese and bread while on a diet. Not ALOT, but enough to satisfy my cravings :).

That's it! All FIVE of my resolutions. Is it a little too ambitious? Possibly. But thats what im looking for this year. Anything to break up the monotony that is my life. I have five resolutions, how many do you have?

OUTRAGED!!

Well not technically "outraged" but really, really, annoyed definetley!!

Why in the world don't they sell PACKS of Yule greeting cards??? And why is it when I FIND packs they cost $40 for a box of twenty! Thats just NOT cool at all, and its unfair!! Winter Solstice was first, bitches!!! I'm so tempted to have Ron draw up a design and print up my own damn Yule cards! Thats just sillyness.

Ok...Rant over.

So Sad :(

This is a great article from CNN.com about the pressures that many athletes, not just wrestlers, face today. So Sad for Test and Umaga!! I remember way back watching the "wedding" of Stephanie McMahon and Test. And now he's gone. Being a wrestling fan for as long as i can remember, its sad that alot of the young superstars out there now, more than likely wont be able to make a comeback like some of the people that inspired them to get into the business. The days of wrestling 'til your Ric Flairs age are over. Kudos to Emanuella for writing such a awesome piece! I dont think people really understand what wrestlers are asked to do in the ring. Sure its all "fake" and scripted, but all that moving and getting thrown around the ring takes a physical and emotional toll on your body. I personally didnt know that wrestlers dont have health insurance and thats horrible. So, read, enjoy, comment as you like :)

Wrestlers grapple with problems in, out of the ring
By Emanuella Grinberg, CNN

December 6, 2009 1:16 a.m. EST

(CNN) -- The death of World Wrestling Entertainment superstar Edward Fatu, who wrestled under the name "Umaga," has sparked discussion in wrestling circles over the rigors of the sport.
Fatu, 36, died Friday of a heart attack in a hospital in Houston, Texas, a family friend confirmed.
Also known as "The Samoan Bulldozer," the 6-foot-4-inch, 350-pound wrestler earned a reputation for executing moves with more ease than one might expect from someone his size, facing off in high-profile bouts with WWE celebrities such as Triple H and Ric Flair.

"He was basically known for being an athletic, big man who carried some extra weight around, but moved very well for a guy his size," said Kevin Eck, an assistant sports editor of the Baltimore Sun who also runs its professional-wrestling blog, Ring Posts. Comments on Eck's blog range from messages of condolences to speculation over whether drugs were involved and the struggles wrestlers grapple with outside of the ring.

"[H]ardly do we realize what do these wrestlers go through.....not that long ago he looked as if he could go on for 20 years in the ring looking as vicious as he was," one post says.
Fatu worked on and off for the WWE for several years before the organization terminated his contract in June for violating the WWE's Wellness Program and refusing to enter rehab, the WWE said on its Web site, without providing specifics. The organization offered its condolences to Fatu's family in a brief statement on its site.

Details of Fatu's death have not been released, but Eck said the death highlights a larger problem of professional wrestlers dying in their 30s and 40s. Fatu's death comes less than nine months after Canadian pro wrestler Andrew Test Martin reportedly died of a drug overdose, and follows a string of high-profile deaths in the past decade, including those of Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero. "It's happening a lot more frequently in the sport than it ever did, and it's a huge problem," Eck said. "If this was Major League Baseball and you had guys dropping dead under 40, it would be a much bigger deal -- but because it's wrestling, it flies under the radar."

Though wrestlers today have more support systems available through the WWE and other groups, the rigors of the sport have increased dramatically compared to the days of Capt. Lou Albano, who died this year at 76, Eck said."The expectations for what wrestlers are supposed to look like have evolved. In Albano's day, some were in good shape, some were not, but you didn't see the superhuman physiques like you started seeing in the 80s," he said.

As the industry has gone global, wrestlers also are traveling more and going farther than they did pre-WWE, when wrestlers and promoters worked within limited territories, he said. And the demands in the ring are higher than ever."You could get by with doing less back in the day, you didn't see a lot of high-risk maneuvers. And as it has evolved, so has the need to do more risky-looking stunts, and that's why guys get a lot of bumps and bruises, and you can sort of make the correlation that that leads to more painkillers."

In an interview with CNN after Albano's death, WWE spokesman Robert Zimmerman said the organization provides medical assistance and financial guidance through the WWE's Wellness Program to all its wrestlers, even though they are considered independent contractors.
"If they're injured on the job in the ring, we take care of their medical expenses and get them to the best doctors possible," Zimmerman said. "In addition to their physical well-being, we also take them through financial counseling and financial workshops so they know what to do with their money as far as income, earnings and sponsorships. And those are just a few aspects of the program."

To friends and family, Fatu was a devoted family man who was looking forward to spending more time with his children after leaving the WWE."He had his demons, but he found a lot of strength in his family," said family friend and former WWE personality Dawn Marie Psaltis. "He comes from a long line of professional wrestlers and did his family proud."

Psaltis, the founder of Wrestlers Rescue, a support group for aging and retired wrestlers, says Fatu's death highlights the unique struggles that wrestlers face as independent contractors who don't receive the benefits of athletes or professional actors. Like many wrestlers, Fatu did not have health insurance when he died, leaving friends and family scrambling to cover his medical expenses, Psaltis said. "We make above average income, but most of what we make goes toward the expense of being in the business, and health care is a huge expense for a wrestler," Psaltis said.

Psaltis said she started Wrestlers Rescue with the goal of working with insurance companies to create an affordable health care plan for wrestlers. "To find health care that covers wrestlers costs quadruple the price of regular coverage, so a lot of the guys end up going without. They continue to wrestle way past their prime because there's no pension, and because there's no health care, they never prepared for their future health concerns. It's an endless cycle."

But Psaltis and former WWE diva Terri Runnels say camaraderie and the thrill of being in the ring are worth the risks. "Yes, we make good money, but for what we do it's paltry. We are like paupers compared to most other professions, but our pride in entertaining and making sure that when you pay money and come to a show you are absolutely entertained, that's why we do what we do," Runnels said.

W.W.S.D.?

What is logical?

"Think about it logically..."

"Isn't that logical though?"

"Do people not use logic when they think?"

How many times have you all heard these statements or statements like these in your daily life? A lot, right? People like to think they're smart by using that word. Logic. Logical. Illogical. The only person I trust to have a good sense of logic in this world is Mr. Spock....and he's not even REAL!

There's too many people out there who think that their logic and their way of looking at something is the correct way. Because its just logical, right? Take Health Care Reform for example. BOTH sides of the spectrum think they're right. And if you argue with either side, I guarantee the phrase "But, isn't that logical though? will come up at LEAST once. One person thinksits logical that everyone should be covered and have insurance to insure that they get quality health care to improve their way of life. The other thinks its illogical because it'll cost an absurd amount of money and it will never work, not even THINKING about their fellow man.

To me logical means the most realistic and achievable way of thinking or doing something. Its just amazing that so many people have so many different views of what is achievable and realistic! And this is why we have so many problems in this country! No one can agree on whats logical! I honestly think we should ban this word from everyday use because its pissing me off.

So I'd like to put this out there. Before people start asking what is and isn't logical, think about it this way...W.W.S.D? Or What Would Spock Do?

"Do you like fish sticks?" a.k.a.The Kanye West Method

I know what you're thinking... "Why is there a picture of that god awful man on your blog, Jo?? Doesn't the world hate Kanye West??" Yes, Kanye is a douchebag, but its necessary considering the nature of this post.

The subject im going to touch on here is confidence. I've had this post brewing in my head ever since the "Gay Fish" episode of South Park. I was chomping at the bit the next day waiting for the CAPS LOCK filled rant on Kanye's blog. And I was shocked by what I read. It wasn't as angry and anti-South Park as I thought it would be. Actually....it wasn't angry at all. It was kinda humbling and helped me understand the psyche of Kanye, why he is the way he is and how I can understand his way of thinking. Its reasons like this that I think im crazy, of course. A normal person would read it and say "Yeah that's nice but you're still a douchebag". Not me though. I say "Yup, I can understand that".

Now before everyone who reads this flies off the handle thinking im defending him, hear me out. The man started off with the mentality of making the world love him. I'm sure its not easy for a new hip hop artist emerging into a community of Eminem's and Snoop Dogg's. How was he gonna do that? Simple. Create an over-the-top air of confidence about you and hope it catches on. And what happened? The world took notice. Some love him, some hate him. But you can't deny the fact that he has built up an ego that is so huge, it cannot be ignored. He made the world believe that he IS that damn good simply by being overly confident in himself and flaunting it. What im trying to get at is this: I don't see anything wrong with wanting people to like you. It is a confidence booster when people DO like you. In order to do that you have to first have that same "Kanye West" mentality. Telling people that you're awesome and that you rock, is good! Because if they don't believe it, then at least you do! And from there you can improve yourself so that they DO believe it!! Once you have the confidence, improving yourself and your image is easy! If I have to be like Kanye West in order to build up my self confidence (which is something im STILL working on to this day) then so be it!

Of course, Kanye West didn't even TRY improving himself and became more and more of a douchebag until the South Park guys put him in his place. I do love those guys. Something fierce.